New Focus in 2015 - Health: Mind, Body, Soul, and Spirit

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.

Revelation 21:5

2014 has been a year filled with blessings beyond my wildest imagination. 2013 was the worst year of my life, so at the end of it all, I didn't have enough resolve to make any new years resolutions. I just decided I was going to focus on happiness and joy and pray for both when I felt strong enough to pray. I believe that God has provided me with both of those things in a way that can only be considered supernatural. This year has had its challenges, of course, but unlike in previous times of my life, I do not feel broken by these challenges. I finally feel that I am walking in the Spirit like I should and am capable of withstanding the kind of pressures that I have to face as a person who deals with mental illness.

My prayer and goal for 2015 is for health. Health in my mind, body, soul, and spirit - all the parts that make up a human being.

2014, thanks for being awesome!

2015 - bring it! I'm excited at what may happen.

Here is my new theme song (from Planes: Fire and Rescue because my son is obsessed with it):

Proverbs 29:11 - Quietly

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 29:11

I think that the idea of quietly holding back your emotions and thoughts is something that is a completely foreign concept in American culture. We have our devices and our social media outlets and our besties, and they are all available at almost a moment's notice to hear anything and everything we have to say, whether they want to or not. Facebook is notorious for a reason. It's filled with good things and helps families stay connected over long distances, but it is also an easy place to display rage, give teasing comments that no one really understands, throw a pity party, or try to ruin an enemy's reputation.

I have only a few images in my mind of people who quietly hold back anything. Most of them are not in my generation. Some in older generations hold their emotions in check with a practiced skill. They are as human, flesh and blood, as the twelve-year-old throwing a fit on Twitter. But they save their emotions and thoughts for those who have earned their trust and confidence. Or they quietly contemplate their issues and problems, often prayerfully, before saying anything. Maybe after calculated thought, they find that there is actually no need to say anything.

I hate to think that my generation is filled with fools. I know that we have our own insights to living that are unique and valid.

But according to this verse, I begin to worry about us just a little bit.

How often do I have to "vent" my frustrations? True, I choose to do it privately with a few trusted friends and family members. But is it okay to be doing this regularly? I feel that it's necessary to get by sometimes because, let's face it, this world is awful. 

But this verse does check me.

Not everything has to be vented. 

Some thoughts and emotions are still in formation and lack clarity if expressed before they have had time to be weighed, measured, and tested.

It is difficult to discern when to speak and when to remain silent. 

One of my favorite quotes (though I don't always practice it) is from Abraham Lincoln:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

John 14:27 - My Peace I Give You

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

When trying to discern God's will, it is often said that we should find where our passions and God's passions intersect. Frederick Buechner said: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I believe that this is extremely crucial. The thing that you feel the most joy doing is very often where God's deepest purpose for you is.

But I'm going to go a step further and say that God's plan for you is going to bring you the most peace. There are so many different paths life can take, and God can make something amazing even out of the jumbled, misguided choices we often make. He's a master artist working with His craft. He's cool like that.

But... God has a perfect will.

Sometimes that phrase scares me because I know that I'm far from perfect.

I think that the idea of being in His perfect will isn't about being free of flaws but of allowing Him to use us for what He created us for, and when we let the Holy Spirit naturally do what He wants to do in us and through us, we're going to feel all the fruits of the Spirit at our core. There's just something about doing the things God calls you to. 

It's a place where joy and peace meet.

It's the place where the fruits of the Spirit throw a party and dance together.

When you find it, you'll know it.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! - Galatians 5:22-23

Isaiah 53:5-6 - The Story Is Real

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53:5-6

Once upon a time there was a couple that lived in paradise on earth. They had everything they could have ever wanted and needed, and they had peace and fellowship with an all-powerful God. God wanted them to love Him by choice, so He gave them a choice. Their choice became the first sin and led to separation from God and ultimately, to their deaths. Their children grew up in a world that was less-than. They were filled with fear and made choices that made things worse. Everything spiraled beyond their control.

But God did not reject the human race. Throughout history, He spoke to just the right people at just the right times to communicate His plan to fix this broken, ugly mess. He would send His son to pay the price, to restore the fellowship that was broken, making it possible for everyone to choose life in Him.

And...

He did it through Jesus's death, burial, and resurrection.

Isaiah 53 contains one prophetic message, among many others in the Old Testament, written long before Christ was ever born.

And it happened.

He paid the price, righted our wrongs, and made it possible for us to live with God forever.

I am a lover of stories. I've studied ways to make a good one in painstaking detail. I love the way the plot of any good story has an all-hope-is-lost moment (seriously, Google it), and for readers to be satisfied by any tale, it has to have sufficient resolution. I am frustrated by writers who intuitively do it all right without having to try as hard as I have to. But the most crazy, amazing thing to me is that the story that does that best, that did it first, is the REAL one.

I love reading and writing fiction on an obsessive level. One observation I can never escape, is that the story that created the framework I love living through again and again is God's story about His love for mankind, the drastic steps of frantic love that He took to redeem us, and how He overcame death in spite of anguish and pain, just like the true hero of any story.

But he's the real hero. His story is actually non-fiction.

He loves us. He made us to love Him. Our lives are all a part of this story whether we know it or not. God is still writing about us, still enacting his plans for the future. We are all going to live in this story forever, and in His grace, Jesus made a way for us to be on the winning side.

Believers will live in heaven forever. I'm not entirely sure as to what will be going on for us all there, but I do know that it will be amazing. God has shown us enough in His word and through near death experiences, visions, and dreams of believers that hint at the ultimate satisfaction of every longing or desire we've ever had on this earth.

As a person that has wanted to climb inside so many stories and live there, it's both comforting and exciting to know that... I am living inside a story. I'm not it's Author, but I get to participate in the role God Himself penned for me.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” - C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” - C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

1 Corinthians 6:19-20: The Holy Spirit's Temple

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

When I think of a temple, I think of a very silent, still, beautifully arranged space that allows people of faith to enter and contemplate the things of God along with prayer and worship, their experience enhanced by their surroundings. I've been in some old cathedrals and beautifully built churches, but the closest I've ever felt to a "temple" sort of feeling, at least as far as the building is concerned, was inside of the Library of Congress, where the beauty of the art and architecture instilled a deep awe (at least for this book nerd) of the things inside the library.

The temple built by Solomon in Old Testament times was a magnificent feat to behold - the finest materials, the most intricate and costly architecture, and all the elements God desired to be symbols of the heavenly temple and of the price Jesus would pay for our redemption (Hebrews 9). This temple had to have been awe-inspiring in many ways, but the part that is amazing is that it was designed by God not merely to be beautiful but also for specific purposes - present and future.

To call a believer's body a temple of the Holy Spirit is not just an abstract or poetic statement. At the moment of salvation, the Holy Spirit enters each believer to stay, reside, make that body His dwelling place. The Holy Spirit is not a vague force; He is a member of the divine Trinity. To try to wrap my mind around the idea that a part of the Godhead lives in me is intimidating at times.

This passage is referring to believers keeping their bodies holy by fleeing from sexual immorality. Verse 13 in the same chapter also refers to "foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods" as an attitude that a person shouldn't take toward sexual appetites. I believe this also includes a lifestyle of health in addition to remaining sexually pure.

True, the bodies we believers currently have are "weak" and "mortal" and will be changed into "glorious bodies" (Philippians 3:21), but we're talking about the fact that right now they still serve the function of literal temples of the for-real Holy Spirit. 

This makes a difference in regards to how we should be treating our bodies as Christians. What kind of toxic, artificial substances are we consuming on a daily basis when God, at Creation, created all types of foods to nourish and heal us? What kind of self-destructive behaviors are we engaging in on a daily basis? There are battles that Christians who really love the Lord struggle with on a daily basis: alcohol, drug, and food addictions; eating disorders; exercise addictions; self-harm; sexual addictions.

The ways we are destructive to ourselves and, in consequence, the Holy Spirit's temple, are endless.

The struggle is real.

But the fight is necessary.

Since we have been bought with a price, we belong to God - body, soul, and spirit. We are called to glorify Him in our bodies. In our own human strength, treating our bodies like temples in a God-glorifying manner is, frankly, straight up impossible. But we can allow the Holy Spirit to help us to walk in freedom and to understand the ways we are being led to make our temples beautiful, inside and out.

For me, that is going to involve a focus on spiritual and physical health in the upcoming year. Not for a diet. Not to look beautifully impressive by the world's standards. I want my body functioning in the best way possible so that I can use my body to serve others and not be held back by my own lack of physical health. I want my temple to be as God-glorifying as possible, even the "architecture" of my body. 

Part of Isaiah 61:3, one of my life verses, reads:

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

I want that to describe me - body, soul, and spirit.

Life Verse: Hosea 6:1-3 - He Will Bandage Our Wounds

Come, let us return to the Lord.

He has torn us to pieces;

now he will heal us.

He has injured us;

now he will bandage our wounds.

In just a short time he will restore us,

so that we may live in his presence.

Oh, that we might know the Lord!

Let us press on to know him.

He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn

or the coming of rains in early spring.

Hosea 6:1-3

When I had the opportunity to teach English in China for a little over a month in college, to say that I had some anxiety issues would be putting it mildly. Any time I was not teaching or participating in scheduled activities with our hosts, I was literally hiding in my dorm room obsessing over lesson plans and listening to Ginny Owens and Audio Adrenaline on my old school discman, reading 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 multiple times per day, and waiting for my Yahoo Mail to load on the slowest internet connection ever hoping to hear an encouraging word from someone.

As a culmination of the summer school program, each class was scheduled to put on a small skit version of a fairy tale or fable, showcasing the students' increasing English skills in front of all of their parents and the community. I wrote my dramatization of The Three Little Pigs, selected what roles all my 2nd and 3rd grade students were to play, and set about finding props to illustrate the three types of houses. I was able to use construction paper for the straw and stick houses, but I wanted something special for the brick house. It took a lot of effort and an embarrassing language faux pas at the town's super department store to find myself in possession of a cardboard box to use to create it.

The day of the presentation came with many dramatic things planned for our performance, including other skits that subtly declared the gospel in a way that the government couldn't protest. 

Just as we were loading up the bus with the students, a quick downpour occurred ... right on all of my props. The brick and stick houses survived, but the straw house was badly damaged. I was unable to control myself and downright sobbed in front of everyone the whole way to the auditorium.

When we arrived there, one of the Chinese-American interns waited till I wasn't as much of a mess and dragged me into the bathroom with that straw house. At first I was embarrassed and angry because she was the calmest, most self-composed person of the whole group and had really intimidated me for most of the trip. But I don't remember any word that she spoke. She took a pair of scissors and cut the tape that secured all of the construction paper together and then silently dried each warped piece under the hand-dryer until each one was relatively straight and unwrinkled. Then she taped them all back together, good as new.

While she was doing this, I felt God speaking to me: "This is what I am doing in you. You just have to be patient. Yes, it's painful,  but it will all be worth it in the end." It wasn't an audible voice, but those words are the ones I always hear in my memory.

This life metaphor has stayed with me and has proven true for me. More recently, the little and big downpours of my anxiety and depression were turned into a hurricane of circumstances I am not even sure how I lived through. By God's grace, I'm on the other side of it, and for once I really, really feel and recognize the continuing truth of what God spoke over me that day.

My life was absolutely destroyed, and I was in the worst desolation I could have imagined. I couldn't even find any of the pieces, but God kept them in the palm of His hand and is slowly, patiently drying all the damaged and defective parts of me with His Word and fitting them back together into something that I can't even describe and still don't have a clear view of at this point. He knows how to create beauty with the mosaic pieces of the soul.

All I know, is that I used to be living in a prison that - as a daughter of God - I had the keys to, and now each day I wake up surprised to find that I can walk in the freedom of a new day, with new insights, and a new hope. 

The hope that was the tiniest speck of light in the night of my despair has grown and is growing. 

It overwhelms me.

Further thoughts:

• Hosea sung by Shane and Shane

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 - Taking Every Thought Captive

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Paul is using aspects of physical war to highlight the elements of our spiritual battle. Even though we are alive and breathing and have actual people that sometimes oppose us, our struggle is a spiritual one. 

In Ephesians 6:12, Paul states:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

We wage our war against Satan and his demons, against his influences in the world, against his lies.

These faulty ideas (imaginations, arguments, lofty things) create strongholds in our lives. In ancient times, strongholds were the fortresses created to keep the enemy out. There is also what is known as field fortification, or building up places to stand against an enemy using the natural landscape, digging trenches, etc. Since Satan's enemy is us, he makes use of our weaknesses to build up places of power for himself in the territory of our lives.

If there is even the tiniest place we are not grounded in truth or not submissive to the will of God, the enemy can and does use it to maximize his hold on us. The more undefended areas in our minds, hearts, and lives, the more places he can gain the advantage and influence us.

So what do we do with this? We're imperfect people, and life is incredibly complex. We have so many distractions and so much information coming at us that it's often difficult to discern where certain ideas or behavior patterns even came from originally.

It's easy to give in to fear or to just pretend this cosmic struggle doesn't even exist, but this passage says that the weapons of our warfare are mighty enough to cast down strongholds. We don't have to wring our hands helplessly because we are being attacked.

We attack.

Other versions talk of demolishing, destroying, pulling down these strongholds. I picture us with a crowbar tearing out drywall or US soldiers tearing down the statue of Saddam Hussein and covering his face with an American flag or bombing terrorist foxholes. This is the kind of destruction we as Christians have been called to wreak on Satan's kingdom.

What weapons are we supposed to use? This has been detailed in Ephesians 6:

• Belt of truth
• Breastplate of righteousness
• Shoes of the gospel of peace
• Shield of faith
• Helmet of salvation
• Sword of the spirit (word of God)
• Prayer

Sometimes it's hard to disengage these concepts from a flannel graph we may or may not have seen in Sunday school as a child. But the words in the Bible aren't just random scribblings: they are the knives, swords, semi-automatic weapons, rifles, grenades, missiles, and atom bombs in our arsenal. 

Satan is seriously messing with our minds, trying to destroy us using the destructive forces in his arsenal - lies, evil, anxiety, fear, doubt, condemnation, false propaganda, and hate. 

The ultimate battle has been won by Jesus Christ. Believers can have the assurance that, even when these fortresses do form in our minds, the power of Jesus can help us destroy them. 

The problem that I find with myself and other God-loving Christians that I know is that, for the most part, we leave these areas unchecked. We aren't even paying attention while certain lies and habits grow and grow. We leave our powerful weapons unused and wonder why we aren't experiencing the victorious life we have been promised.

We have to bring EVERY THOUGHT (yes, capslock means yelling here) to the obedience of Christ. There is no middle ground area for thoughts. Either they are based on truth and influenced by the Holy Spirit, or they are based on lies and influenced by the evil one. When we bring it back down to black and white level, it's a lot easier to see areas where we need to start bombing the lies we believe.

Every thought should belong to Christ.

Life Verse: 1 Kings 19:11-12 - A Still Small Voice

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

1 Kings 19:11-12

Elijah has just shut down all the prophets of Baal in a major showdown over who is really God. Literal fire from heaven provided an amazing proof of God's presence and power. It was an enormous victory of faith for a man whose lifestyle was hardcore - living in the wilderness and praying so effectually that God listened and mightily displayed His splendor.

This victory placed an enormous target on Elijah's back. Jezebel's threats and maybe just physical exhaustion took their toll. Elijah is depressed and anxious to the point of wanting to give up, begging God to take his life because he is "no better than [his] fathers." 

His perspective drops from an in-your-face Satan attitude to one of total defeat. He seems to believe that God's unique calling on his life is, after all, not valid. That he will be yet another failure that cannot be used for God's purposes. All he can see are the obstacles that still stand in the way plus his own tiny abilities. This happens to Christians so easily when we are not focusing on God's power in us. Considering the prospect of standing against the enemy in our own strength is legitimately terrifying. 

So God sends a strong wind, an earthquake, and a fire to Elijah as he stands on the mountain before Him. All these seem to be stereotypical ways we would expect God to speak. Awe inspiring, somewhat terrifying. But the Lord was not in any of those. Like Elijah, we expect our walk with God to always entail big, dramatic things we can look at and say, "Yep, there's God at work." Obviously, God does things like that. He has just done that with Elijah prior to our focus verse.  But that's not the only way He works.

Last comes the still small voice, or gentle whisper. More often than not, we experience God in a much subtler but just as real way. A still, small voice - the Holy Spirit - guiding us through situations, speaking truth into our lives, telling us where to go next.

In this case, God reveals other prophets who have not worshipped Baal. Soon after, he sends Elisha to comfort Elijah and take up the torch. His gentle whisperings offer hope and perspective. God can and does send fire from heaven in miraculous displays, but he also directs our path in ways that we don't expect and works his purposes in ways that aren't always immediately apparent.

God constantly reminds us that it's not just us working by ourselves against all the dark things in this world. It's Him that gives us strength to do the impossible and to become more than we actually are, ever reflecting his glory as the Spirit makes us more and more like him (2 Corinthians 3:18).

1 Timothy 4:12 - Don't Let Anyone Think Less of You

Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

2 Timothy 4:12

I am a product of the Millennial generation. Since I fall toward the debatable beginning of that time span, I feel that I understand the concerns of the older generation and the younger generation even as I feel misunderstood by both of them.

I have desired to serve God to the fullest extent I could, though obviously there have been mountain tops and valleys of that commitment. I have struggled with feeling that I am not taken seriously by older generations of Christians, whether that is rooted in the truth or not.

We Millennials DO need to be listened to. We understand the current culture, as tripped up as we often get by the traps the Enemy has set there. Those of us who want to see God move do want to be theologically sound. We do want to evangelize our friends and the world. We do want to see our churches grow. The committed of this generation do want to be connected and make a difference. We have passion. We want to know God in a very personal, relational way. 

Yes, we Millennials can be flaky and under-committed. At times we seek an emotional experience and make it all about us. We can demand to be heard in ways that are not always God-glorifying. Our opinions often are too secular, too relativistic, and too immature. We can be apathetic. We can't stay off social media or stop watching shows on Netflix. 

But... we are what's coming up next in the scene of this world. That scares me because things are getting darker by the day. We are tasked with passing truth down to the coming generation and often feel less than affirmed as to how well we are doing that.

I often find myself wearing this face - 0.o - at the whole situation. Or this one: :/ .

The burden of proof rests with us. We have to prove to the older generations that we are the real deal. We have to get up off our lazy, internet-addicted butts and actually do all the things our minds, hearts, and spirits connect with so intensely instead of leaving it an idealized image in our heads. Older generations have the position to cherish their ideals about the good old days and how things "should" be all they want. The Lord has given them the task of leading us, and they are worried, suspicious, and frightened by all the trends we are immersed in.

As much as we may resent this mentality, we have to honor it in some way because we do need the wise counsel provided by these believers. We can't always dictate the matters of style we believe would be more effective for us and our friends. We have to do what we think we do best - connect with this past heritage and validate the good in it - while finding a way to communicate our vision for what the future has to look like if Christianity is going to survive us.

Again, scary. 

Daunting. 

I'm tempted to go back to communicating with emoticons right now.

What can we do?

What can I do?

Paul gave Timothy sound advice: Be an example to all believers. This includes being extremely authentic and loving while at the same time remaining or becoming extremely pure. Being absolutely above reproach in the way we live, minister, and have fun.

We need to get serious about the Bible and its commands, esteeming others as better than ourselves and just going out there and sharing our faith, no matter what the cost.

Our mandate is to worship God in Spirit and in truth wherever we are planted.

We should be the most loving, the best at reaching out to others of all age groups, the most unconcerned with trivial issues that don't matter in the scope of the gospel message and the soon return of Christ.

All of this is starting to sound like a to-do list that no one is really capable of handling, but the truth is that if we are walking in the Spirit on a daily basis, confessing sins and seeking direction for all of our decisions, God will equip us to do far more than we could ever do on our own.

Psalm 3:5-6 - I Lay Down and Sleep

I lay down and slept; 

I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

I will not be afraid of many thousands of people

who have set themselves against me all around.

Psalm 3:5-6

I have always had trouble sleeping. My imagination gets away from me, forming new ideas, plotting stories, making plans, and ... worrying! It's difficult to get certain mental pictures of what could possibly happen in the future out of my head. At times, it's simply the stuff of every day life, but recently I have been thinking about bigger themes such as spiritual warfare and the end times. 

Spiritual realities such as how real and how powerful the forces of evil are really disturb me when I think about them too hard and too long. 

As believers we are called to think about whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). The difficulty for me with contemplating spiritual darkness and demonic influence is the fact that it is true. Since it does exist, in my opinion, a biblical worldview includes a belief in and awareness of these issues. 

Watching end time prophecy play out in all of my online feeds is disheartening and scary. Too much imagination applied in these areas is not constantly helpful or needed. Yes, evil is real. Yes, Satan is real. Yes, the clock is ticking.

So what to do when it's time to actually sleep? How do I feel the peace of what I believe? How do I lay down and actually sleep? I'm finding that I have to renew my mind to the truth.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39

Evil is not the only part of the story.

Evil has not won and will not win, no matter what happens.

God is the one who protects and sustains. He places a hedge of protection around those he has called by His name. Even if disaster strikes, His love is a constant reality in my life.

That is something that I can lay down into and sleep in.

John 5:6 - Would You Like to Get Well?

When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, "Would you like to get well?"

-John 5:6

I think that Jesus's conversations with the people he heals are so important. In this instance, he knows the man has been ill for an extremely long time and asks if he would like to be healed. The man doesn't instantly say that he does. He offers the details of why he hasn't been healed up to this point - he can't get to the healing pool in time. Jesus then tells him to get up, take up his bed, and walk.

I can definitely relate to this man's mentality. Instead of thinking about the answer to the question actually asked, he thinks only of the negative. What he can't do. This is probably due to a genuine disability to do so; he, in fact, cannot walk down to the pool fast enough in his condition. 

I know in my own life, sometimes the things I can't do start to look bigger than they really are as I focus on them. Sometimes, those things become excuses to not think outside the box or not do other things that I actually can do. I always wonder why this man hasn't already begged and pleaded with the people around him to put him in the pool or dragged himself a few inches every day. Maybe everyone was too selfish to help and his body was too weak to do even that. 

Weakness and infirmity are real and need to be engaged with compassion. Excuses need to be eradicated.

The only reason I insinuate this man could have been the cause of his own problem is what Jesus says to the man in verse 13: "Now you are well; so stop sinning or something even worse may happen to you." In either case, whether this man's inability to receive healing was completely legitimate or was caused by learned helplessness, Jesus doesn't acknowledge the obstacle the man presents. 

He issues a command: Get up.

The man is healed and obeys by doing just that. This is one thing I love about being in Christ. He heals us and enables us to do things we could never do otherwise. Did the man know he had been healed before he started trying to stand up? Perhaps he just had to obey what he was told to do having the faith that he would be able to do it?

Sometimes God's spirit moves that way, telling us to attempt something that seems impossibly crazy in the face of our own assessment of our ability level, real or perceived. Healing is from given from God, and we have to have clear sight and faith to see what areas He may be intending for us to walk toward.

Luke 19:10 - Lost

For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.

Luke 19:10

What does it mean to be lost? 

There is so much darkness in the world, and it's easy to forget that all unbelieving people are on their way to hell. 

I don't like to think about hell. 

But... the truth is that hell is real. It's not an abstract place disconnected from our experience. 

It exists. 

It is horrible.

No one, fully understanding what hell is, would want to take the path that leads there, yet many people do choose it because they are lost.

The definition of lost is:

 unable to find one's way; not knowing one's whereabouts

This perfectly describes those who do not know the truth. For all, life begins and we all sin and are sinned against. We're all both the wounded and the wounders. We believe the lie, whatever it is to each one of us.

We're miserable without knowing the truth.

Poor, wretched, blind.

The scary part about it is, in that state, we don't even realize the true source of our problems - being disconnected from all that is light, life, and love.

Jesus came to save each one of us from that state of being lost. Through his sacrifice, we can be made right with God and come to find our way in Him.

The idea of someone being on the road to hell just isn't fashionable and feels judgmental. It's not an easy truth, and for me, the idea of uttering the simple statement: "You're going to hell," just seems so rude and uncomfortable.

But am I actually being compassionate if I see someone bent on destruction and don't try to show them how to avoid it?

My sensitivity to the reality of hell has been dulled with time. It's hard to think about people who I worry may be there, to fight back my all-too-active imagination to construct what they must be experiencing.

Tonight, I was freshly reminded of hell's reality - the fact that it is dark, it is terrifying, and that people are going there. While researching for this blog post, I came across some YouTube videos about near death experiences where people experienced hell. I know some are skeptical about NDE accounts, but I believe that some are valid. I went through such a range of emotions in just watching a few of these videos.

No, I don't need to dwell on the details.

No, I don't have to fear going there.

But it's my job to believe - and act - as though hell is a real place.

Luke 8:39 - Tell Them Everything

"No, go back to your family, and tell them everything God has done for you." So he went all through the town proclaiming the great things Jesus had done for him.

Luke 8:39

This is what we see the man who had a legion of demons cast out of him doing in the wake of his miracle. The demons are cast into swine and fall off a ravine and die. The town is so disturbed by this miracle that they beg Jesus to leave. The one who was healed wants to stay with Jesus, but he obeys Jesus's directive to go tell others about what had been done.

His story is one that shook the foundations of what the people around him could understand. The idea of someone powerful enough to cast out demons they had long feared was terrifying. I can only imagine the responses to the man's story as he proclaimed it. 

Shock. Awe. Belief. Hope.

As believers, we may not have stories that are as dramatic as this man's life, but we do have our stories. 

They matter. 

Our job is to tell them with the intensity with which we feel them. We need to share the details of who we were before and who we are now and who we, with God's grace, may become. This is the kind of stuff that everyone on earth hungers and thirsts for - the idea that we are loved, that we can be redeemed.

Our prescribed "testimony" of date, age, and place of salvation is not bad, but it's not as moving or as compelling as our personal narratives, the ups and downs of our relationship with Jesus. We don't need to tell every gory detail we've ever experienced in our lives, but we do need to be real and honest.

The world is looking for someone or something to connect with, and stories are the absolute best. Especially the stories that are true.

Luke 13:12-13 - You Are Healed

When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, "Dear woman, you are healed of your sickness!" Then he touched her, and instantly she could stand straight.
Luke 13:12-13

What impresses me most about this scene with Jesus is how deeply He sees into each person and his/her needs in a very compassionate way. Jesus is teaching when the woman comes in, and he heals her of the evil spirit which had crippled her for eighteen years. He halts his important teaching (disregarding the legalistic company he is in) to deal with a person who had possibly been written off as hopeless by the majority in attendance.

I'm also moved by the woman's courage. The text doesn't say that she seeks Jesus out for healing, but ... she shows up. I'd think in eighteen years' time she had tried everything to improve her condition, perhaps even seeking healing in the very temple she attends here. Maybe she had lost all hope of being cured. Despite her physical problems, she is still in attendance at the temple, indicating that, in the midst of it all, she hadn't given up her faith.

This woman reminds me to never give up in the difficult places. Sometimes we have a thorn in the flesh that isn't going to go away and must learn to lean on God's sufficiency. Other times God decides to heal us for His glory. We don't get to choose which situation we find ourselves in, and we don't know what God plans to do with our struggles.

All we can do is continue doing what we know to be right and good, trusting that God knows best and that he does see us, including the causes of and cures for what ails us.

Life Verse: Isaiah 61:3 - Beauty for Ashes

To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

ISAIAH 61:3 

I have so many verses in the Bible that I go to, that have defined certain times in my life, but this one always grabs me. When I read it, if I think about it deeply enough, I'm almost always moved to tears. 

You want my testimony, uh, um... read this verse. 

In its context of Isaiah 61 and echoed in Jesus's reading of it in Luke 4:18-21, it always fills me with awe. Jesus says HE is the fulfillment of these words. Whoah. It's his mission to replace all of our negatives with the light of his grace.

Call it a chemical imbalance in my brain or call it a lack of faith, but mourning, feeling a spirit of heaviness has defined a huge part of who I am. Most of the time I fight it with all I have, but I don't always win. Obviously, I don't enjoy the state of being depressed. It is such a devastated wasteland. I can understand why people mourned in sackcloth and ashes back in the day. It's a perfect symbol of what is going on inside someone feeling that kind of emotion. 

But according to this verse, Jesus makes some kind of beauty out of these ashes. He replaces all that we have with all that He has, which is far better. Instead of mourning, there is joyous blessing. Festive praise - fun, joy, life, light - instead of despair. These contrasts have always proven true. I know the cycle is not over. I am not convinced that I will ever see depression completely eradicated from my life, but I am committed to returning and returning to the truth of the one who loves me.

I am encouraged by the image of our righteousness in Christ making us like great oaks that the LORD has planted. It is a work that He has done, conveying a steady continuance in the faith. It reminds me of Psalm 1, with the beautiful verse: And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. 

That's the kind of abundant life I want to have.

John 15:13 - No Greater Love

There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

John 15:13

How do we "lay down our lives for our friends"? This is another phrase that is so often quoted that I had to google just to be able to wrap my mind around how this can be practically applied. Yes, Jesus laid down his life for us, so we should lay down our lives for our friends. In the verse right before this, Jesus says, "Love each other in the same way I have loved you." Unless we somehow find ourselves in the midst of a zombie apocalypse or The Hunger Games, I am not sure how I would end up following the literal meaning of this by physically dying for my friends and family like Jesus did for us.

Our laying down of our lives ends up looking a lot different than physical death, but it's still ... hard. Seeking to emulate the One who was willing to lay down His life to make a relationship right is a tall order.

Am I able to approach my friends with the selfless love of Jesus?

I've been sitting here typing and deleting a lot of answers to this question that, to me, all sound just, too ... generic.

I obviously can't do this. Even at my best, I still have ME in mind. For me, for any of us, living a life of sacrifice is going to come down to a work of the Holy Spirit empowering us to do what we really can't.

So.... list format here... random ideas... freestyle brainstorming... GO!

What can I do to lay down my life for my friends?

• Defer to others in the matter of preference.
• Your opinion does not always have to win.
• What does my friend need (food, clothing, a hug, a good sound kick in the butt)? Am I able to supply this? Am I willing to supply this?
• Do I seek first to understand my friends before I make myself understood?
• Do I forgive my friends?
• Do I have friends that are no longer friends because of one thing they said to me? Do I need to reconcile with those friends?
• Do I pray for my friends?
• Do I encourage my friends?

Obviously, a lot more could go here since Jesus's capacity for sacrificing Himself, showing  unguarded compassion, and forgiving sin are completely endless.

To become like Him, I have to die to myself...

Reference: Laying Down Your Life for Others - InTouch Ministries

Matthew 7:1 - Don't Judge

Judge not, that you be not judged.
Matthew 7:1

The idea here is that each of us has a perspective clouded by our own failings and hangups. Until we deal with the logs in our own eyes, we will not be qualified to remove specks from others' eyes. But does anyone ever reach the point where his/her sight is clear enough to see justly? No matter how conformed to the image of Christ I am, I am still not going to be Him.

I struggle with not judging others' motives, especially if my own warped perception feels it can attach a label of "judgmental," "legalistic," or "closeminded." For a long time I have screamed "freedom" and "grace," all the while never supposing that I was simply becoming a legalist who lived on the opposite side of the spectrum, doing and being what I hate.

Some people may truly be like the Pharisees and deserve every single one of those labels, but with time I've come to realize that it is not my personal job to call them out on it. Imagine my astonishment on finding out that some people I had disregarded and resented turned out to be completely different than I first thought. Others changed from what they once were.

Part of loving others is giving them the freedom to hold their own stance, whether you fully value it or not. Time will tell. God will judge. Trying to take His job from Him is just exhausting. Focusing on relationships and a person's good qualities does a lot more to build up the body of Christ than throwing stones ever will.

 

Matthew 15:28 - Prayer + Desperation

"Dear woman," Jesus said to her, "your faith is great. Your request is granted." And her daughter was instantly healed.
Matthew 15:28

This woman's persistence is impressive. Her plight - a demon possessed daughter - is desperate, and she absolutely refuses to give up begging for Jesus to intervene. She knows He alone is her daughter's chance at wholeness, so she does not allow herself to be intimidated by protocol - the racial and gender barriers of the day. She is willing to face scorn, misunderstanding, and repeated denials.

Her actions mirror effective prayer. Her faith and trust are so fully placed in Jesus that she makes an annoyance of herself when He tells her no. She is not passive. In boldness, she is not going to let this go without a fight. I admire her strength in enduring all she could for her daughter's only hope. It's the kind of endurance that comes only through a faith that refuses to give up.

I'm sometimes a little uncomfortable with Jesus denying her repeatedly when He so quickly acted on behalf of many others, but I believe this is the way He works. Sometimes prayers are instantly answered. Other times, often in our difficult places, we have to persist. Our faith is being tested. Not out of unfairness or unkindness but to help us grow into an increasing faith.

This scene is the epitome of James 1:3-4:

Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 Also, this reminds me of part of one of my favorite poems (which, it turns out, is a hymn):

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

-God Moves in a Mysterious Way

by William Cowper
(His story that I just learned - whoah!)

 

Mark 8:2 - I Have Compassion

I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat.
Mark 8:2

Yes, Christianity is a deep worldview that can and has been analyzed and overanalyzed ad infinitum, but in this scene, Jesus demonstrates his tender (and practical) care for every aspect of our lives. Here we have a window into his heart. The multitudes probably would have stayed to listen to him and to be healed at the expense of their physical well-being, but Jesus had consideration for basic human needs.

The people had a need. He filled it. 

In this case it took a miracle to feed everyone present, but for us to show this kind of love to the world, all we have to do is notice what needs to be done. Sometimes we make our life and witness so complicated when it is so simple. Most people in the world today, even people whose lives are devoted to philosophy and deeper thought, are not in a constant state of pondering the depth of the universe. They are living their lives in real time and (consciously or subconsciously) looking for something to fill the deep spiritual hunger inside them - to know that someone cares and that they matter.

Coming at people with theological guns blazing can be very offensive, confusing, or just plain irrelevant at the moment when people are hungry, tired, stressed, irritable, or distracted. Because of this fact, I have always been hesitant when it comes to immediately asking complete strangers where they think they would go if they die. Maybe they have considered this. But, hello, I'm a perfect stranger. How is that my business? In addition, I always feel so ... insincere? procedural? I know that I myself do not want to be someone that anyone checks off their list. 

But truly caring about someone and helping them is not offensive. Showing concern or offering to pray for someone conveys that I care, and it gives me the opportunity to build a relationship with others. If my motive is, plain and simple, to act like Jesus and care, I feel that I am doing right and building a bridge that may someday be strong enough to carry those weightier questions about ultimate truth and our final destination.

It's about trust. Jesus showed that he cared in a small thing, which helps me understand that he cares in bigger things. Enough to do anything it takes to redeem and restore. Since I am trying to be like him, I need to be more practical and let my behavior be suited to the situation. We are meant to sow different seeds to different people.

All this being said, I realize I do err a little too closely to the side of the statement: Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary. I absolutely agree with that, but I'm coming around to the middle a little more. The words are necessary, but they have to be paired with authentic love and compassion.

• See also: God feeds us with deep compassion - I came across this blog when I was searching for a picture to go with mine, and I feel like this captures the essence of what I wished I had written, but I ended up going in a different direction.

Mark 12:30-31 - Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these.
Mark 12:30-31

These are the two greatest commandments - the things I should be dropping everything else for.

Jesus says we are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The phrase is so familiar to most believers that we are in danger of just reciting it without thinking about what each area entails. We love God, of course. It's why we even bother at all. But loving in theory and loving in actuality are not the same.

God wants my heart. He doesn't want me to serve him from a motivation of guilt or a performance-based mentality. He wants me to want to serve Him. I have to check my motives carefully. Just as in any human relationship, being involved with your heart means that you care, you have feelings about what you're doing, you are enthusiastic. You can't be a passionate robot. Passion involves your emotions, not a programmed response.

God wants my soul. I had to look up exactly what is meant by soul here because the idea of "loving God with your soul" sounded very abstract to me. The soul is the very core of yourself. Who you are. Your identity. So loving with your soul involves your choices, your habits, your SELF. I would describe myself as a Christian, wife, mom, reader/writer, INFP. But somewhere in there, in fact the most crucial part, should be the fact that I love God. I need to think of myself as a God-lover before any of those other aspects.

God wants my mind. This one is the hardest one for me. My mind is all over the place, and I don't mean that as a compliment. I feel like loving God with my mind requires me to exercise self-control in a lot of my mental habits, and bring my own understanding about things into alignment with God's understanding. There are so many verses that talk about breaking down mental strongholds, thinking only on what is pure and lovely, setting one's mind on things above. I could go on and on.

God wants my strength. I usually think of myself as being pretty weak. I have emotional struggles more frequently than I would like. Sometimes my skin is too thin. But the whole point here is using my strength. Only God knows the true measure of what we are capable of. Sometimes it's strength enough just to hold on. Sometimes it's strength to grow and push through pain. The working out metaphor is used for this all the time, but it's true. You can't keep the strength you don't use. Using more than you are capable of makes you stronger. It's the tearing of muscle fibers that builds them back up. Seriously, insert the whole concept of The Biggest Loser here in a spiritual context.

I am to love my neighbor as myself. Note: this does say that I am supposed to love myself. In this passage, loving oneself is a given. A personal pet-peeve of mine is when anyone derides the concept of "self-esteem." Yes, I know it is constantly misused, but a proper, biblical understanding of it has also brought life and peace to many. 

We are broken and flawed by nature, but in Christ we are chosen, accepted, pure, righteous - with our names inscribed on God's hands. We have value because he gives us value. Loving myself doesn't mean that I love myself with my heart, soul, mind, and strength because that is reserved for God. It does mean that I agree with God about my new identity and set healthy boundaries with myself and others.

Loving others as I love myself means that I think of others and think of how to care for them spiritually, emotionally, and physically just like I do for myself. Maybe some do have to go secure their own air mask before attempting to secure the air mask of others. But reaching out and loving is good for our souls. It takes the focus off of ourselves and helps us to truly be the body of Christ.

Luke 6:27-28 - Do Good to Those Who Hate You

But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.
Luke 6:27-28

This is such a hard teaching for me. 

I would love to say I am a mirror reflecting the graciousness of God in this area, but ... I'm not. 

At all. 

It's hard enough to walk in love toward people who I care about or feel neutral towards. 

But my enemies????

Does this verse really apply to me?

Can I pray for them exclusively in the way David prayed for his enemies in a few choice Psalms?

In all seriousness, I can handle or at least attempt loving, in an abstractish sort of way. I can try to manage to pray for an enemy.

But actually actively "do[ing] good" to someone who hates me or who has hurt me or someone I love? I'm visualizing this right now, and I don't like it. Not one little bit. Just typing that makes me feel like a horrible person, but YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DID/SAID!!!

It makes me realize I've kind of been living out a version of this verse that would say, "Tolerate your enemies. Try to avoid those who hate you. Don't say anything too mean to those who curse you. Simmer under the surface about those who hurt you."

I'm kind of scared of where obeying this verse could take me.

I'm consciously adding it to the long list of things I need to pray and seek God about.

Awesome words from my homeboys, Tenth Avenue North: here.

Luke 7:47 - Forgiven Little or Much?

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.
Luke 7:47

This is all about perspectives. All have sinned and initially share the same destination. Humanity is, by definition, flawed to the core. We who have been forgiven should all see ourselves as this woman did - amazingly grateful for being changed from darkness to light. Feeling the significance of what has happened so strongly that we can do nothing else but blubber and anoint Jesus's feet.

 

But the key is our perception. Not saying this in an absolute sense, but in general, I think it's harder for those who are "pretty okay" to fully understand the impact of the dramatic rescue Christ enacted and how much he paid for it. Sometimes it's hard for "forgiven little" people to own the seriousness of their sin, maybe imagining their sins as teeny, tiny drops in the bucket of sin Jesus paid for on the cross. After all, they're not Hitler, and they didn't do [insert thing here] or aren't [insert other thing here].

People who can fall into a "forgiven much" category, who have messed up bad, may be experiencing the serious consequences of previous actions in their daily lives. They feel the essence of their unworthiness, while at the same time accepting the gift that is redemption. They've been there. They've done that. So, as in the case of this woman, their love is passionate, driven, full.

The thing is, we've all been there and done that. If you've hated someone in your heart, you've committed murder. If you've stared a little too long at someone and imagined a little too much taking place, you've already committed adultery or fornication. The most "okay" person in the entire world has been forgiven the same amount of sin as the worst person that ever lived. Called.... all of it, should they accept the truth.

My story is pretty boring overall. Nothing too dramatic. I'm a flawed person who accepted God's grace early, continues fluctuating between trusting him and trusting myself, sometimes walking in the light, other times not. When I get lazy, I easily start adopting a "forgiven little" attitude and very cheaply esteem the grace in which I stand. When I really think about it, when God reveals a new thing I need to surrender to him or an area where I have been doing it all wrong, it's then I truly feel the weight of my sin and fully appreciate just how "much" I have been "forgiven."

 

[Notice that all the so-called lesser sins like performance and flattery are slightly hidden from the camera's view?]