Life Verse: Hosea 6:1-3 - He Will Bandage Our Wounds

Come, let us return to the Lord.

He has torn us to pieces;

now he will heal us.

He has injured us;

now he will bandage our wounds.

In just a short time he will restore us,

so that we may live in his presence.

Oh, that we might know the Lord!

Let us press on to know him.

He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn

or the coming of rains in early spring.

Hosea 6:1-3

When I had the opportunity to teach English in China for a little over a month in college, to say that I had some anxiety issues would be putting it mildly. Any time I was not teaching or participating in scheduled activities with our hosts, I was literally hiding in my dorm room obsessing over lesson plans and listening to Ginny Owens and Audio Adrenaline on my old school discman, reading 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 multiple times per day, and waiting for my Yahoo Mail to load on the slowest internet connection ever hoping to hear an encouraging word from someone.

As a culmination of the summer school program, each class was scheduled to put on a small skit version of a fairy tale or fable, showcasing the students' increasing English skills in front of all of their parents and the community. I wrote my dramatization of The Three Little Pigs, selected what roles all my 2nd and 3rd grade students were to play, and set about finding props to illustrate the three types of houses. I was able to use construction paper for the straw and stick houses, but I wanted something special for the brick house. It took a lot of effort and an embarrassing language faux pas at the town's super department store to find myself in possession of a cardboard box to use to create it.

The day of the presentation came with many dramatic things planned for our performance, including other skits that subtly declared the gospel in a way that the government couldn't protest. 

Just as we were loading up the bus with the students, a quick downpour occurred ... right on all of my props. The brick and stick houses survived, but the straw house was badly damaged. I was unable to control myself and downright sobbed in front of everyone the whole way to the auditorium.

When we arrived there, one of the Chinese-American interns waited till I wasn't as much of a mess and dragged me into the bathroom with that straw house. At first I was embarrassed and angry because she was the calmest, most self-composed person of the whole group and had really intimidated me for most of the trip. But I don't remember any word that she spoke. She took a pair of scissors and cut the tape that secured all of the construction paper together and then silently dried each warped piece under the hand-dryer until each one was relatively straight and unwrinkled. Then she taped them all back together, good as new.

While she was doing this, I felt God speaking to me: "This is what I am doing in you. You just have to be patient. Yes, it's painful,  but it will all be worth it in the end." It wasn't an audible voice, but those words are the ones I always hear in my memory.

This life metaphor has stayed with me and has proven true for me. More recently, the little and big downpours of my anxiety and depression were turned into a hurricane of circumstances I am not even sure how I lived through. By God's grace, I'm on the other side of it, and for once I really, really feel and recognize the continuing truth of what God spoke over me that day.

My life was absolutely destroyed, and I was in the worst desolation I could have imagined. I couldn't even find any of the pieces, but God kept them in the palm of His hand and is slowly, patiently drying all the damaged and defective parts of me with His Word and fitting them back together into something that I can't even describe and still don't have a clear view of at this point. He knows how to create beauty with the mosaic pieces of the soul.

All I know, is that I used to be living in a prison that - as a daughter of God - I had the keys to, and now each day I wake up surprised to find that I can walk in the freedom of a new day, with new insights, and a new hope. 

The hope that was the tiniest speck of light in the night of my despair has grown and is growing. 

It overwhelms me.

Further thoughts:

• Hosea sung by Shane and Shane

Life Verse: 1 Kings 19:11-12 - A Still Small Voice

Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

1 Kings 19:11-12

Elijah has just shut down all the prophets of Baal in a major showdown over who is really God. Literal fire from heaven provided an amazing proof of God's presence and power. It was an enormous victory of faith for a man whose lifestyle was hardcore - living in the wilderness and praying so effectually that God listened and mightily displayed His splendor.

This victory placed an enormous target on Elijah's back. Jezebel's threats and maybe just physical exhaustion took their toll. Elijah is depressed and anxious to the point of wanting to give up, begging God to take his life because he is "no better than [his] fathers." 

His perspective drops from an in-your-face Satan attitude to one of total defeat. He seems to believe that God's unique calling on his life is, after all, not valid. That he will be yet another failure that cannot be used for God's purposes. All he can see are the obstacles that still stand in the way plus his own tiny abilities. This happens to Christians so easily when we are not focusing on God's power in us. Considering the prospect of standing against the enemy in our own strength is legitimately terrifying. 

So God sends a strong wind, an earthquake, and a fire to Elijah as he stands on the mountain before Him. All these seem to be stereotypical ways we would expect God to speak. Awe inspiring, somewhat terrifying. But the Lord was not in any of those. Like Elijah, we expect our walk with God to always entail big, dramatic things we can look at and say, "Yep, there's God at work." Obviously, God does things like that. He has just done that with Elijah prior to our focus verse.  But that's not the only way He works.

Last comes the still small voice, or gentle whisper. More often than not, we experience God in a much subtler but just as real way. A still, small voice - the Holy Spirit - guiding us through situations, speaking truth into our lives, telling us where to go next.

In this case, God reveals other prophets who have not worshipped Baal. Soon after, he sends Elisha to comfort Elijah and take up the torch. His gentle whisperings offer hope and perspective. God can and does send fire from heaven in miraculous displays, but he also directs our path in ways that we don't expect and works his purposes in ways that aren't always immediately apparent.

God constantly reminds us that it's not just us working by ourselves against all the dark things in this world. It's Him that gives us strength to do the impossible and to become more than we actually are, ever reflecting his glory as the Spirit makes us more and more like him (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Life Verse: Isaiah 61:3 - Beauty for Ashes

To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

ISAIAH 61:3 

I have so many verses in the Bible that I go to, that have defined certain times in my life, but this one always grabs me. When I read it, if I think about it deeply enough, I'm almost always moved to tears. 

You want my testimony, uh, um... read this verse. 

In its context of Isaiah 61 and echoed in Jesus's reading of it in Luke 4:18-21, it always fills me with awe. Jesus says HE is the fulfillment of these words. Whoah. It's his mission to replace all of our negatives with the light of his grace.

Call it a chemical imbalance in my brain or call it a lack of faith, but mourning, feeling a spirit of heaviness has defined a huge part of who I am. Most of the time I fight it with all I have, but I don't always win. Obviously, I don't enjoy the state of being depressed. It is such a devastated wasteland. I can understand why people mourned in sackcloth and ashes back in the day. It's a perfect symbol of what is going on inside someone feeling that kind of emotion. 

But according to this verse, Jesus makes some kind of beauty out of these ashes. He replaces all that we have with all that He has, which is far better. Instead of mourning, there is joyous blessing. Festive praise - fun, joy, life, light - instead of despair. These contrasts have always proven true. I know the cycle is not over. I am not convinced that I will ever see depression completely eradicated from my life, but I am committed to returning and returning to the truth of the one who loves me.

I am encouraged by the image of our righteousness in Christ making us like great oaks that the LORD has planted. It is a work that He has done, conveying a steady continuance in the faith. It reminds me of Psalm 1, with the beautiful verse: And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. 

That's the kind of abundant life I want to have.