Luke 18:41 - I Want to See!

"What do you want me to do for you?" 

"Lord," he said, "I want to see!"

Luke 18:41

My heart is filled with compassion toward the blind beggar who is sitting by the side of the road in the verse preceding the focus verse. Blind, helpess, relying on others for his daily needs due to his disability, he hears that it is Jesus passing by. 

At that point, he starts screaming, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

No doubt, he has heard of Jesus's other miracles and believes that Jesus can work a similar miracle on his behalf. Despite those around him yelling at him to be quiet, he persists until Jesus actually hears him.

So many of us are like that man, having our own problems, insecurities, fears, health issues, disabilities, worries. Modern science and medicine, themselves miracles, can often help with some of these problems. The danger for people of faith is that in trusting only medicine and science, we blindly miss the point that those methods are not the only way God works.

Just because we have different ways of getting our health needs met these days doesn't negate the fact that God still can and does work miracles. That's why He sent Jesus. That's why we call on His name.

I know that in my own life, I face the giants of my own fears daily. When it comes right down to it, Jesus is the one I must call on. He is the one who brings ultimate healing. He is the one that calms the storms and changes lives - miraculously. Sometimes in an instant, sometimes through a process: often in ways we least expect.

James 5:15 says:

Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well.

Prayer for healing is an area where we as believers cannot give up even if we think the answer God may be giving is no because we don't know the mind of God or how He may be choosing to show Himself strong on behalf of believers.

New Focus in 2015 - Health: Mind, Body, Soul, and Spirit

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new.

Revelation 21:5

2014 has been a year filled with blessings beyond my wildest imagination. 2013 was the worst year of my life, so at the end of it all, I didn't have enough resolve to make any new years resolutions. I just decided I was going to focus on happiness and joy and pray for both when I felt strong enough to pray. I believe that God has provided me with both of those things in a way that can only be considered supernatural. This year has had its challenges, of course, but unlike in previous times of my life, I do not feel broken by these challenges. I finally feel that I am walking in the Spirit like I should and am capable of withstanding the kind of pressures that I have to face as a person who deals with mental illness.

My prayer and goal for 2015 is for health. Health in my mind, body, soul, and spirit - all the parts that make up a human being.

2014, thanks for being awesome!

2015 - bring it! I'm excited at what may happen.

Here is my new theme song (from Planes: Fire and Rescue because my son is obsessed with it):

Proverbs 29:11 - Quietly

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 29:11

I think that the idea of quietly holding back your emotions and thoughts is something that is a completely foreign concept in American culture. We have our devices and our social media outlets and our besties, and they are all available at almost a moment's notice to hear anything and everything we have to say, whether they want to or not. Facebook is notorious for a reason. It's filled with good things and helps families stay connected over long distances, but it is also an easy place to display rage, give teasing comments that no one really understands, throw a pity party, or try to ruin an enemy's reputation.

I have only a few images in my mind of people who quietly hold back anything. Most of them are not in my generation. Some in older generations hold their emotions in check with a practiced skill. They are as human, flesh and blood, as the twelve-year-old throwing a fit on Twitter. But they save their emotions and thoughts for those who have earned their trust and confidence. Or they quietly contemplate their issues and problems, often prayerfully, before saying anything. Maybe after calculated thought, they find that there is actually no need to say anything.

I hate to think that my generation is filled with fools. I know that we have our own insights to living that are unique and valid.

But according to this verse, I begin to worry about us just a little bit.

How often do I have to "vent" my frustrations? True, I choose to do it privately with a few trusted friends and family members. But is it okay to be doing this regularly? I feel that it's necessary to get by sometimes because, let's face it, this world is awful. 

But this verse does check me.

Not everything has to be vented. 

Some thoughts and emotions are still in formation and lack clarity if expressed before they have had time to be weighed, measured, and tested.

It is difficult to discern when to speak and when to remain silent. 

One of my favorite quotes (though I don't always practice it) is from Abraham Lincoln:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

John 14:27 - My Peace I Give You

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

When trying to discern God's will, it is often said that we should find where our passions and God's passions intersect. Frederick Buechner said: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I believe that this is extremely crucial. The thing that you feel the most joy doing is very often where God's deepest purpose for you is.

But I'm going to go a step further and say that God's plan for you is going to bring you the most peace. There are so many different paths life can take, and God can make something amazing even out of the jumbled, misguided choices we often make. He's a master artist working with His craft. He's cool like that.

But... God has a perfect will.

Sometimes that phrase scares me because I know that I'm far from perfect.

I think that the idea of being in His perfect will isn't about being free of flaws but of allowing Him to use us for what He created us for, and when we let the Holy Spirit naturally do what He wants to do in us and through us, we're going to feel all the fruits of the Spirit at our core. There's just something about doing the things God calls you to. 

It's a place where joy and peace meet.

It's the place where the fruits of the Spirit throw a party and dance together.

When you find it, you'll know it.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! - Galatians 5:22-23

Isaiah 53:5-6 - The Story Is Real

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53:5-6

Once upon a time there was a couple that lived in paradise on earth. They had everything they could have ever wanted and needed, and they had peace and fellowship with an all-powerful God. God wanted them to love Him by choice, so He gave them a choice. Their choice became the first sin and led to separation from God and ultimately, to their deaths. Their children grew up in a world that was less-than. They were filled with fear and made choices that made things worse. Everything spiraled beyond their control.

But God did not reject the human race. Throughout history, He spoke to just the right people at just the right times to communicate His plan to fix this broken, ugly mess. He would send His son to pay the price, to restore the fellowship that was broken, making it possible for everyone to choose life in Him.

And...

He did it through Jesus's death, burial, and resurrection.

Isaiah 53 contains one prophetic message, among many others in the Old Testament, written long before Christ was ever born.

And it happened.

He paid the price, righted our wrongs, and made it possible for us to live with God forever.

I am a lover of stories. I've studied ways to make a good one in painstaking detail. I love the way the plot of any good story has an all-hope-is-lost moment (seriously, Google it), and for readers to be satisfied by any tale, it has to have sufficient resolution. I am frustrated by writers who intuitively do it all right without having to try as hard as I have to. But the most crazy, amazing thing to me is that the story that does that best, that did it first, is the REAL one.

I love reading and writing fiction on an obsessive level. One observation I can never escape, is that the story that created the framework I love living through again and again is God's story about His love for mankind, the drastic steps of frantic love that He took to redeem us, and how He overcame death in spite of anguish and pain, just like the true hero of any story.

But he's the real hero. His story is actually non-fiction.

He loves us. He made us to love Him. Our lives are all a part of this story whether we know it or not. God is still writing about us, still enacting his plans for the future. We are all going to live in this story forever, and in His grace, Jesus made a way for us to be on the winning side.

Believers will live in heaven forever. I'm not entirely sure as to what will be going on for us all there, but I do know that it will be amazing. God has shown us enough in His word and through near death experiences, visions, and dreams of believers that hint at the ultimate satisfaction of every longing or desire we've ever had on this earth.

As a person that has wanted to climb inside so many stories and live there, it's both comforting and exciting to know that... I am living inside a story. I'm not it's Author, but I get to participate in the role God Himself penned for me.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” - C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” - C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

1 Corinthians 6:19-20: The Holy Spirit's Temple

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

When I think of a temple, I think of a very silent, still, beautifully arranged space that allows people of faith to enter and contemplate the things of God along with prayer and worship, their experience enhanced by their surroundings. I've been in some old cathedrals and beautifully built churches, but the closest I've ever felt to a "temple" sort of feeling, at least as far as the building is concerned, was inside of the Library of Congress, where the beauty of the art and architecture instilled a deep awe (at least for this book nerd) of the things inside the library.

The temple built by Solomon in Old Testament times was a magnificent feat to behold - the finest materials, the most intricate and costly architecture, and all the elements God desired to be symbols of the heavenly temple and of the price Jesus would pay for our redemption (Hebrews 9). This temple had to have been awe-inspiring in many ways, but the part that is amazing is that it was designed by God not merely to be beautiful but also for specific purposes - present and future.

To call a believer's body a temple of the Holy Spirit is not just an abstract or poetic statement. At the moment of salvation, the Holy Spirit enters each believer to stay, reside, make that body His dwelling place. The Holy Spirit is not a vague force; He is a member of the divine Trinity. To try to wrap my mind around the idea that a part of the Godhead lives in me is intimidating at times.

This passage is referring to believers keeping their bodies holy by fleeing from sexual immorality. Verse 13 in the same chapter also refers to "foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods" as an attitude that a person shouldn't take toward sexual appetites. I believe this also includes a lifestyle of health in addition to remaining sexually pure.

True, the bodies we believers currently have are "weak" and "mortal" and will be changed into "glorious bodies" (Philippians 3:21), but we're talking about the fact that right now they still serve the function of literal temples of the for-real Holy Spirit. 

This makes a difference in regards to how we should be treating our bodies as Christians. What kind of toxic, artificial substances are we consuming on a daily basis when God, at Creation, created all types of foods to nourish and heal us? What kind of self-destructive behaviors are we engaging in on a daily basis? There are battles that Christians who really love the Lord struggle with on a daily basis: alcohol, drug, and food addictions; eating disorders; exercise addictions; self-harm; sexual addictions.

The ways we are destructive to ourselves and, in consequence, the Holy Spirit's temple, are endless.

The struggle is real.

But the fight is necessary.

Since we have been bought with a price, we belong to God - body, soul, and spirit. We are called to glorify Him in our bodies. In our own human strength, treating our bodies like temples in a God-glorifying manner is, frankly, straight up impossible. But we can allow the Holy Spirit to help us to walk in freedom and to understand the ways we are being led to make our temples beautiful, inside and out.

For me, that is going to involve a focus on spiritual and physical health in the upcoming year. Not for a diet. Not to look beautifully impressive by the world's standards. I want my body functioning in the best way possible so that I can use my body to serve others and not be held back by my own lack of physical health. I want my temple to be as God-glorifying as possible, even the "architecture" of my body. 

Part of Isaiah 61:3, one of my life verses, reads:

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

I want that to describe me - body, soul, and spirit.

Life Verse: Hosea 6:1-3 - He Will Bandage Our Wounds

Come, let us return to the Lord.

He has torn us to pieces;

now he will heal us.

He has injured us;

now he will bandage our wounds.

In just a short time he will restore us,

so that we may live in his presence.

Oh, that we might know the Lord!

Let us press on to know him.

He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn

or the coming of rains in early spring.

Hosea 6:1-3

When I had the opportunity to teach English in China for a little over a month in college, to say that I had some anxiety issues would be putting it mildly. Any time I was not teaching or participating in scheduled activities with our hosts, I was literally hiding in my dorm room obsessing over lesson plans and listening to Ginny Owens and Audio Adrenaline on my old school discman, reading 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 multiple times per day, and waiting for my Yahoo Mail to load on the slowest internet connection ever hoping to hear an encouraging word from someone.

As a culmination of the summer school program, each class was scheduled to put on a small skit version of a fairy tale or fable, showcasing the students' increasing English skills in front of all of their parents and the community. I wrote my dramatization of The Three Little Pigs, selected what roles all my 2nd and 3rd grade students were to play, and set about finding props to illustrate the three types of houses. I was able to use construction paper for the straw and stick houses, but I wanted something special for the brick house. It took a lot of effort and an embarrassing language faux pas at the town's super department store to find myself in possession of a cardboard box to use to create it.

The day of the presentation came with many dramatic things planned for our performance, including other skits that subtly declared the gospel in a way that the government couldn't protest. 

Just as we were loading up the bus with the students, a quick downpour occurred ... right on all of my props. The brick and stick houses survived, but the straw house was badly damaged. I was unable to control myself and downright sobbed in front of everyone the whole way to the auditorium.

When we arrived there, one of the Chinese-American interns waited till I wasn't as much of a mess and dragged me into the bathroom with that straw house. At first I was embarrassed and angry because she was the calmest, most self-composed person of the whole group and had really intimidated me for most of the trip. But I don't remember any word that she spoke. She took a pair of scissors and cut the tape that secured all of the construction paper together and then silently dried each warped piece under the hand-dryer until each one was relatively straight and unwrinkled. Then she taped them all back together, good as new.

While she was doing this, I felt God speaking to me: "This is what I am doing in you. You just have to be patient. Yes, it's painful,  but it will all be worth it in the end." It wasn't an audible voice, but those words are the ones I always hear in my memory.

This life metaphor has stayed with me and has proven true for me. More recently, the little and big downpours of my anxiety and depression were turned into a hurricane of circumstances I am not even sure how I lived through. By God's grace, I'm on the other side of it, and for once I really, really feel and recognize the continuing truth of what God spoke over me that day.

My life was absolutely destroyed, and I was in the worst desolation I could have imagined. I couldn't even find any of the pieces, but God kept them in the palm of His hand and is slowly, patiently drying all the damaged and defective parts of me with His Word and fitting them back together into something that I can't even describe and still don't have a clear view of at this point. He knows how to create beauty with the mosaic pieces of the soul.

All I know, is that I used to be living in a prison that - as a daughter of God - I had the keys to, and now each day I wake up surprised to find that I can walk in the freedom of a new day, with new insights, and a new hope. 

The hope that was the tiniest speck of light in the night of my despair has grown and is growing. 

It overwhelms me.

Further thoughts:

• Hosea sung by Shane and Shane